How To Tell If You Are In A Cult

Written By Jenevra Owen

What Is a Cult, Really? And do they differ from a high-demand group?

At its core, a cult is any group that uses manipulation, coercion, and control to maintain power, typically around a charismatic leader or rigid ideology. Cults can be religious, political, wellness-based, corporate, or social. What defines them is not what they believe, rather it is how they operate.

By design, most people in cults do not realize they are in one. Cults are skilled at love-bombing, isolating, and reshaping your identity over time. They present as safe havens, promising truth, belonging, and purpose, but at the cost of your autonomy.

The term high-demand group or religion started emerging around the 90’s as an alternative to “cult.” The term “high-demand” was partially used because of the very negative connotations and associations with the word “cult,” and also used to describe these groups with the very demanding nature they exhibit. Some use high-demand group to describe a “cult-like” group that may not have some of the extreme forms of control, and others use it to describe groups that are “cult-light.” High-demand groups may not meet some of the extreme criteria of a cult, but they still exert significant control over members’ behavior, beliefs, relationships, or identity, often through rigid rules, shame, or fear-based messaging. While all cults are high-demand, not all high-demand groups are formally considered cults, though the psychological impacts can be just as damaging. Because both cults and high-demand groups have a lot of overlap, the following questions and observations are for both high-demand groups and cult experiences.

Your Might Be In A Cult If…

Not every cult looks like a horror movie. In fact, most do not. Cults can be polished, friendly, spiritual, progressive, conservative, intellectual, or deeply familiar. Often, they feel like home, until they don’t.

"You might be in a cult if..." is not meant to be flippant. It is a serious invitation to get curious about your experience, especially if you have been feeling anxious, confused, or ashamed for even asking the question.

1. There is only one right way to believe, behave, or belong.

The group claims exclusive truth. You are told that questioning doctrine, doubting the leader, or thinking critically means you are sinful, deceived, or spiritually weak or lazy.

2. There is punishment for anyone who leaves.

You have been told that people who leave are doomed, mentally unstable, or will be punished by God, the group, or the universe. The thought of leaving fills you with terror or shame, even if you are deeply unhappy. Those who leave are shunned, demonized, or completely cut off. You may be told they are deceived, unrighteous, dangerous, or mentally ill.

3. You can NOT be fully honest.

You hide parts of yourself, your doubts, relationships, identity, or questions, because being open would risk your safety, belonging, or reputation in the group.

4. You experienced love-bombing followed by withdrawal.

When you joined, you were showered with attention, validation, or support. You may have been overwhelmed with warmth and acceptance at first, until you questioned something. Then the love was withheld, and you are seen as “backsliding.” Once you were in, the rules changed. Love became conditional on your obedience or loyalty.

5. The leader (or founder) is always right.

One person or small group holds absolute authority. They are treated like a prophet, divine messenger, or genius. Criticism is not tolerated. They are exempt from the rules everyone else has to follow.

6. You are encouraged to cut off outsiders.

You are told to avoid “worldly” people, including family or friends who ask hard questions. Leaving the group then often means losing your entire community, support system, or identity that you built inside the cult.

7. Everyone has to think the same way (i.e. groupthink)

Everyone is expected to think, feel, and speak the same way. Doubt is pathologized. Loyalty is more important than authenticity.

8. You constantly self-monitor.

You feel like you are being watched, even when no one is around. You replay conversations in your head to make sure you did not say something “wrong.” You are always trying to prove you are faithful enough.

9. There is an “us vs. them” mentality.

People outside the group are seen as lost, evil, or dangerous. You are taught that your group is superior, enlightened, or chosen. Everyone else is deceived.

10. Fear, guilt, and shame are used to control behavior.

You are told that bad things will happen to you if you question, leave, or disobey. You might believe you will be punished by a higher power, or that you are broken or spiritually deficient.

11. Your life revolves around the group.

The group dictates your relationships, work, finances, education, sex life, clothing, schedule, or health decisions. There is little to no space for individuality, rest, or boundaries.

What Makes It So Hard to See?

Cults often work slowly and subtly. You probably did not join a group with “cult” written on the door. Maybe you were born into it. Maybe it seemed like the answer to a hard season in your life. Maybe it started off as beautiful community.

That is part of what makes it so hard.

You may still love the people. You may have found real connection, purpose, or comfort there. You may fear being alone if you leave. These are all very real and valid concerns. Many people stay in unhealthy environments because the alternative feels unbearable.

But if your identity, choices, or safety are being compromised to stay, your discomfort is a sign worth listening to.

Internal Signs You Might Be in a Cultic Environment

Sometimes it is not the group’s behavior, but your own inner experience, that reveals the truth.

Ask yourself:

  • Do I feel safe being fully myself?

  • Do I fear punishment, rejection, or shame if I disagree?

  • Do I constantly monitor my behavior and thoughts?

  • Do I feel afraid to read or study materials not approved by my group?

  • Do I feel anxious, confused, or guilty when I think about leaving?

  • Have I been taught that the outside world is unsafe or inferior?

  • Do I have access to outside perspectives without fear?

  • Am I praised for conformity more than for authenticity?

  • Do I feel like I am living someone else’s life?

So What Now?

If you read this and saw yourself in one, or many of these statements, take a breath. You are not overreacting. You are not weak. And you are not alone.

People in high-control environments often feel confused or ashamed for even wondering if something is wrong. But noticing that something feels off is the first step. Curiosity is often the beginning of freedom.

Whether you are just beginning to question or you have already left a group like this, recovery is possible. You can heal, reclaim your identity, and create a life rooted in autonomy, rather than fear.

If this post resonates, you do not have to make a big decision today. Start small. Get curious. Give yourself permission to explore.

Safe next steps might include:

Looking for Support?

I specialize in working with people healing from religious trauma, high-demand groups, and cultic environments. In therapy, you can find a space to ask questions without judgment, to grieve what was lost, and to reconnect with your own voice and values.

Reach out here to schedule a consultation or learn more about how I can support you.

Jenevra Owen

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