What is Spiritual Abuse?
Spirituality can be a powerful source of comfort, community, and meaning. But what happens when that same source becomes a tool of control, shame, or harm?
Spiritual abuse is a deeply painful and often misunderstood form of trauma. It does not always leave visible scars, but its effects can shape a person’s sense of self, relationships, and worldview for years. For many, it is hard to even name the experience, especially when it is wrapped in scripture, community expectations, or religious authority.
What Is Spiritual Abuse?
Spiritual abuse is the use of spiritual or religious beliefs, language, or authority to manipulate, control, or harm another person. It often occurs in high-control or authoritarian religious environments, but it can also show up in seemingly progressive, mainstream, or new-age spaces.
This kind of abuse often targets your core identity: your sense of goodness, safety, autonomy, and even your connection to the divine.
Spiritual abuse can happen within:
Religious institutions or churches
Cults or high-demand religious groups
One-on-one relationships (with spiritual leaders, mentors, or partners)
Families with rigid or dogmatic religious expectations
Signs of Spiritual Abuse
Here are some common signs and experiences of spiritual abuse:
You were taught that questioning authority or doctrine meant you were sinful or broken.
You were shamed for your sexuality, identity, or emotions in the name of purity, obedience, or godliness.
You were told that leaving the group, church, or religion would result in divine punishment or personal destruction.
Your boundaries were not respected because “God told me to…”
You were isolated from family, friends, or the outside world to stay spiritually "pure."
You may have felt constant fear, guilt, or anxiety about your salvation or worthiness.
You could have experienced threats of hell, demonic possession, or eternal consequences for not conforming.
You had a sense that your body, thoughts, or choices did not belong to you.
You were told suffering was your fault, or that it was part of “God’s plan” and you just needed more faith.
Not all spiritual communities are abusive. But when spiritual teachings are weaponized to create fear, enforce control, or demand submission, it crosses a line.
Why Spiritual Abuse Hurts So Deeply
Spiritual abuse can feel like betrayal at the deepest level. It often comes from people you trusted (i.e. pastors, parents, partners, mentors, etc.) who claimed to have moral or divine authority.
When spirituality is used to harm, it can damage more than your faith. It can lead to:
Religious trauma or PTSD-like symptoms
Anxiety, depression, or panic attacks
Loss of trust in others (and in yourself)
Deep shame or self-blame
Disconnection from your body, needs, or boundaries
Fear of community, even in non-religious spaces
Identity confusion or crisis
Spiritual Abuse vs. Religious Trauma
Spiritual abuse is often a specific form of harm, while religious trauma describes the broader, long-lasting psychological and emotional effects of being in a harmful spiritual environment.
You can experience spiritual abuse without developing religious trauma, but many people experience both.
Spiritual Abuse Recovery
Recovery is possible. It won’t look the same for everyone, but here are a few key parts of the healing process:
1. Naming the Abuse
The first step is often recognizing that what happened was abuse. This can be the hardest part, especially if you were taught that the problem was you. Giving language to your experience (like “spiritual abuse,” “religious trauma,” or “coercion”) is a powerful act of reclaiming your truth.
2. Processing the Pain Safely
Working with a trauma-informed therapist who understands spiritual abuse can help you unpack the layers of harm in a way that feels safe and empowering. Therapy can also help you manage anxiety, guilt, and the emotional rollercoaster that often comes with leaving a high-control environment.
3. Reclaiming Your Autonomy
Healing includes learning to trust your inner voice again. Your body. Your boundaries. Your desires. Your “no.” You do not have to stay in spaces that harm you, and you do not owe anyone an explanation for choosing peace over conformity.
4. Rebuilding Community
Many people recovering from spiritual abuse feel isolated, especially if they have lost their religious community or been shunned by family. Finding new spaces (whether online or in-person) that support your values and honor your autonomy can be incredibly healing.
5. Redefining Spirituality (Or Not)
Some people find healing in returning to their spirituality on their own terms. Others leave religion altogether. There is no one “right” way forward. Healing means giving yourself permission to define what is meaningful for you.
You're Not Alone
If you have experienced spiritual abuse, you are not alone, and it was not your fault. You deserve safety, support, and space to heal.
I work with individuals who are recovering from spiritual abuse, religious trauma, and the lasting impacts of high-control environments. Whether you are deconstructing your faith, navigating grief and loss, or learning how to feel safe in your body again, I would be honored to walk with you.
Contact me to schedule a consultation or learn more about how therapy can help.
