Untangling Cognitive Distortions: Why They are So Common in High-Demand Groups
If you have ever spiraled into a worst-case scenario over a text left on “read,” or felt convinced that one awkward moment at work means everyone thinks you are incompetent, you have experienced a cognitive distortion.
Cognitive distortions are sneaky thought patterns that twist how we see ourselves, others, and the world. They are often automatic, lacking the full picture, and, frustratingly, really convincing. For folks living with anxiety, these patterns are familiar territory. But they also tend to run deep in people recovering from high-demand religions or controlling group environments.
What Are Cognitive Distortions?
Cognitive distortions are biased ways of thinking that reinforce negative beliefs and emotions. First introduced in the 1970s by psychologist Aaron Beck and later expanded on by David Burns, these thought traps tend to develop over time, often without us even realizing it.
Some of the most common types include:
All-or-Nothing Thinking – “If I don’t do this perfectly, I’m a total failure.”
Catastrophizing – Jumping to the worst possible outcome (“If I mess up, I’ll get fired and lose everything.”)
Mind Reading – Assuming we know what others are thinking, usually something negative (“They probably think I’m annoying.”)
Should Statements – Rigid rules we hold ourselves to (“I should be over this by now.”)
Personalization – Blaming yourself for things outside your control (“If they’re upset, I must have done something wrong.”)
These distortions can fuel shame, fear, and hopelessness. And when you are already dealing with anxiety, they can keep you stuck in a cycle of rumination and dread.
How Cognitive Distortions Show Up with Anxiety
Anxiety thrives on what ifs, shoulds, and worst-case scenarios. Cognitive distortions are about the stories our brains tell to try and keep us “safe.” Unfortunately, those stories are often distorted. They can manifest link:
Anticipatory Anxiety: You worry something bad will happen before it does, and cognitive distortions like catastrophizing and fortune-telling add fuel to the fire.
Self-Blame: When you are anxious, it is easy to assume you are the problem. Personalization leads to unnecessary guilt and hyper-responsibility.
Perfectionism: Anxiety often whispers that if you are not perfect, something terrible will happen. Cue black-and-white thinking and “should” statements.
Avoidance: All-or-nothing thinking can lead to complete avoidance. “If I can’t do it perfectly, I won’t do it at all.”
The more these patterns go unchecked, the more they solidify. Therapy that includes trauma-informed approaches can help clients untangle these patterns and begin to see themselves more clearly.
Cognitive Distortions in High-Demand Religious Groups
If you were raised in or deeply involved with a high-demand religion or controlling group, these cognitive distortions were not just random, they were often taught as truth.
High-demand groups tend to use fear, guilt, and shame as behavioral tools. That environment can hardwire cognitive distortions into your thinking:
Black-and-White Thinking (All-or-Nothing Thinking): “You’re either righteous or sinful.” There’s no in-between, no nuance, and no space for imperfection or questioning. This mindset often extends beyond the group, creating an “us vs. them” view of the world.
Catastrophizing: Teachings about hell, punishment, or divine disapproval often create catastrophic thought loops. “If I doubt, I will go to hell.” The mind jumps straight to worst-case scenarios.
Heaven’s Reward Fallacy: You may have been taught that suffering now will be rewarded later in heaven, through blessings, or by gaining favor with God. This can lead to enduring harmful circumstances with the belief that pain is virtuous or redemptive.
Should Statements: “I should be more obedient. I should be grateful. I should have more faith.” These rigid expectations become internalized standards that reinforce shame and never feeling “good enough.”
Overgeneralization: One “failure” or moment of doubt can turn into a sweeping belief about your worth. “I messed up once, so I’m a lost cause.” High-demand systems often reinforce this with messages about purity and perfectionism.
Personalization: You may have been taught that blessings or trials were your fault, that your suffering was due to sin, lack of faith, or disobedience. This can leave you feeling overly responsible for things that were never yours to carry.
Emotional Reasoning: “I feel guilty, so I must have done something wrong.” High-demand groups often conflate emotion with morality, reinforcing distorted interpretations of your inner world. Guilt and fear become measures of spiritual “truth.”
These distortions can also make people more vulnerable to conspiracy thinking, both inside and after leaving a high-demand group. For example, black-and-white thinking fuels an “us vs. them” mindset, emotional reasoning makes fear-based narratives feel true, and overgeneralization leads to sweeping mistrust of outside systems like science, medicine, or government. The heaven’s reward fallacy and group teachings about “special knowledge” can make conspiracy narratives feel like secret truths reserved for the faithful.
The result? A high-alert nervous system, layered with spiritual urgency, creates fertile ground for conspiratorial beliefs. Conspiracies offer a false sense of certainty, which can feel safer than embracing nuance, especially for those conditioned to believe doubt is dangerous.
How to Start Challenging These Patterns
Therapy is a powerful place to begin recognizing and interrupting cognitive distortions, especially when layered with trauma, anxiety, or religious deconstruction. But there are also steps you can take on your own:
Label the Distortion: Give the thought a name. “Ah, that’s catastrophizing again.”
Ask for Evidence: What actual facts support this belief? What evidence contradicts it?
Talk to a Compassionate Part of You: How would a kind, grounded version of you respond?
Journal the Pattern: Writing down recurring thoughts can help you spot themes and begin to gently challenge them.
Practice Self-Compassion: Healing distorted thinking does not mean silencing all anxiety, it means relating to yourself with more understanding and flexibility.
Cognitive distortions are not flaws. They are often survival strategies that formed under pressure, stress, or manipulation. For folks healing from anxiety or religious trauma, understanding these patterns can be a first step toward reclaiming your mind from fear-based programming.
There is nothing wrong with you for thinking this way. And there are tools to help.
📍 Looking for a therapist who gets the layers of anxiety and religious trauma? I provide online individual therapy in California, Maryland, and Utah.
Reach out to start therapy or to learn more.
Disclaimer:
⚠️ The content on this blog is intended for informational and educational purposes ONLY and should NOT be considered a substitute for personal professional mental health care, diagnosis, or treatment. Reading these posts does not establish a therapeutic relationship.
If you are currently in crisis, experiencing thoughts of harming yourself or others, or are in need of immediate support, please call 911 or contact a crisis line such as the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 (U.S.) or access your local emergency services.
These blog posts are written to explore topics like trauma, religious deconstruction, cults, identity development, and mental wellness in a thoughtful and compassionate way. They may (or may not) resonate deeply, especially for those healing from complex trauma, but they are NOT meant to replace individualized therapy or medical care.
