“Therapy Speak” And Why Misusing Mental Health Language Can Harm Relationships
In recent years, therapy language has found its way into everyday conversation. Words like triggered, gaslighting, trauma bond, narcissist, and boundaries are now scattered across social media, workplaces, and friendships. On one hand, this can be seen as a positive shift. Mental health conversations are no longer confined to therapy rooms or whispered in secret. But there is also a downside when therapeutic terms are misused, oversimplified, or weaponized, the results can distort understanding, damage relationships, and reinforce the very stigma therapy aims to reduce.
What Is “Therapy Speak”?
“Therapy speak” refers to the use of psychological or therapeutic terminology outside of its professional context. These words often get lifted from therapy settings, mental health literature, or quick therapy information on social media, and repurposed in casual conversation. While it can feel empowering to have language that names our experiences, the problem arises when terms are misapplied or stripped of their clinical meaning.
Common Misuses of Therapy Language
“Trauma dumping” – This phrase refers to sharing traumatic experiences with someone without their consent, often in a way that overwhelms them. On social media, though, it is become shorthand for “talking about something heavy I don’t want to hear.” Using it dismissively can invalidate someone’s attempt at genuine vulnerability. It is also important to note that you canNOT “trauma dump” on your therapist. They may slow you down to incorporate methods to help you process your trauma. However, therapists are trained to listen to your trauma.
“Trauma bond” – Clinically, trauma bonding describes the powerful attachment that can form in abusive relationships, where a victim attaches to an abuser and the cycles of abuse and reconciliation create a deep psychological hold. Outside of therapy, the term often gets misused to describe individuals relating to each other because of common experiences; which is actually commonplace, and while it can evoke empathy for others lived experience, it does not need to be pathologized.
Overuse of “gaslighting” – Gaslighting is a deliberate pattern of manipulation where someone causes another person to doubt their reality. Today, it is often applied to any disagreement or misunderstanding. When “gaslighting” is used too loosely, it dilutes the meaning of true psychological abuse.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) – Online, “narcissist” has become a casual insult to describe selfish or inconsiderate behavior. But NPD is a serious and complex diagnosis that requires professional evaluation. Overusing this label misdiagnoses people who actually have NPD and reduces nuanced human behavior by overly pathologizing, and also can end up ignoring, dismissing, or even absolve systems that uphold and praise some of the more harmful narcissistic characteristics. Narcissistic traits does not equate to NPD.
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) – Similarly, “borderline” often gets used as shorthand for someone seen as “dramatic” or “clingy.” In reality, BPD is a painful and often misunderstood diagnosis tied to relational and emotional struggles. Throwing the term around as an insult fuels stigma and makes it harder for people with BPD to find acceptance and care.
Misuse of “OCD” – Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is a mental health condition involving intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors. Yet, it is often used casually to describe neatness or preference for order (e.g., “I’m so OCD about my desk”). This trivializes the severity of the disorder.
“Setting boundaries” as avoidance – Boundaries are vital in therapy and relationships, but the concept can be distorted into a justification for cutting people off without communication. Boundaries are about protecting well-being and maintaining connection where possible, not simply shutting others down. The goal of boundaries is actually to improve relationships, not dismiss them. Does that always happen? No. However, boundaries should never infringe on someone else’s privacy or needs. Boundaries are 100% the responsibility of the person setting the boundary. Example: A boundary is stating that you will not participate in religious discussions with family. A boundary is NOT dictating how someone else spends their free time.
“Attachment styles” as identity labels – Attachment theory is a useful tool to understand relational dynamics, but online it is often oversimplified into labels like “avoidant” or “anxious” as if they are permanent personality traits. This overlooks the flexibility and growth possible in attachment patterns. It is also often used to shut down relationships, rather than learning how to understand and navigate relationships better. Just because someone is “anxious” or “avoidant” does not mean they cannot have meaningful relationships.
“Self-care” as indulgence only – True self-care is about meeting basic needs (rest, nourishment, emotional safety). However, in pop culture, it often gets reduced to spa days and bubble baths. While enjoyable and healthy, this interpretation can make self-care seem frivolous instead of an essential part of health and recovery.
“Trigger warnings” as a catch-all – Originally meant to protect trauma survivors from unexpected exposure to specific content, “triggered” is now sometimes used to mock emotional responses or dismiss someone as overly sensitive.
Why Misuse Hurts Relationships
When therapy language is taken out of context, it can create barriers instead of bridges. Here is how it plays out in relationships:
Misunderstanding instead of connection – When someone’s hurt feelings are dismissed as “trauma dumping” or their disagreement is called “gaslighting,” the conversation shuts down. Genuine dialogue gets replaced by labels and obstructs relationship building.
Power dynamics emerge – Using therapy terms incorrectly can become a way to claim authority in conflict. If one person misuses terms and accuses another of “having an avoidant-attachment,” it ends the possibility for mutual understanding.
Loss of nuance – Human relationships are complicated. Reducing them to oversimplified diagnoses or buzzwords prevents people from grappling with the deeper emotions and needs underneath.
Reinforcing stigma – Casual misuse of words like OCD or borderline reinforces stereotypes and increases misunderstanding about mental illness. This makes it harder for people with legitimate diagnoses to seek compassion and care.
How to Use Therapy Terms Correctly (and Helpfully)
Having access to mental health language can be empowering. It gives us words for experiences that might otherwise feel invisible. The key is to use these terms thoughtfully and with respect for their meaning.
Use terms descriptively, not diagnostically – Instead of labeling someone as a “OCD” or “borderline,” focus on the behaviors: “When you dismiss my feelings, it feels invalidating.”
Remember context matters – Words like “gaslighting” should be reserved for situations that truly fit their definition. Before using them, pause and ask: Is there intent to control, manipulate, or harm? For example, true gaslighting involves a deliberate effort to destabilize someone’s sense of reality, not just a disagreement or forgetfulness.
Self-reflection over projection – Rather than using “attachment styles” as permanent labels for others, notice your own patterns: “I notice I feel anxious when my partner doesn’t text back.” This shifts the focus toward self-growth rather than blame.
Be mindful with “trauma dumping” – If someone shares something heavy and you feel overwhelmed, you don’t need to dismiss them. Instead, set a boundary with care: “I want to support you, but I’m not in the right headspace for this right now.” That way, you protect yourself while still respecting the other person.
By reclaiming the true meaning of therapy terms and using them with precision, we can enrich conversations, deepen relationships, and reduce stigma, rather than perpetuate misunderstanding.
It is encouraging that mental health conversations are more visible today than they were a decade ago. But language matters. When “therapy speak” gets pulled out of context and weaponized, it stops being a tool for healing and instead becomes another form of harm, and creates barriers in relationships. By using these words with care and compassion, we can preserve their power while also fostering healthier, more authentic connections.
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Disclaimer:
⚠️ The content on this blog is intended for informational and educational purposes ONLY and should NOT be considered a substitute for personal professional mental health care, diagnosis, or treatment. Reading these posts does not establish a therapeutic relationship.
If you are currently in crisis, experiencing thoughts of harming yourself or others, or are in need of immediate support, please call 911 or contact a crisis line such as the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 (U.S.) or access your local emergency services.
These blog posts are written to explore topics like trauma, religious deconstruction, cults, identity development, and mental wellness in a thoughtful and compassionate way. They may (or may not) resonate deeply, especially for those healing from complex trauma, but they are NOT meant to replace individualized therapy or medical care.
