Reg Flags In Therapy And How To Find A Good Fit Therapist
Starting therapy can feel vulnerable. Whether you are just beginning your healing journey or you've seen therapists before, it is important to know what to look for and what to avoid in a therapeutic relationship. Just like any relationship, there are signals that tell us whether we are safe, respected, and genuinely supported.
🚨 Therapist Behavior That Should Be Reported
Some actions go beyond being a “bad fit.” They violate professional ethics and should be reported to the therapist’s licensing board. These behaviors can be harmful and are not acceptable under any circumstances.
Sexual comments, advances, or any form of sexual contact
Discriminatory remarks (racist, anti-LGBTQ+, etc.)
Therapist initiates a dual relationship (e.g., trying to become friends, doing business with you)
Physical touch without consent
Threatening, manipulative, or intimidating behavior
Revealing other clients’ private information
Practicing without a valid license or misrepresenting their credentials
If you have experienced any of these, it is not your fault. You can file a complaint with your state licensing board. Many boards allow anonymous reporting, and advocacy groups may be able to support you through the process.
🔴 Red Flags in Therapy (Time to Consider Leaving)
These are behaviors that indicate the therapist may not be a good fit or may be causing emotional harm. While they might not always be unethical, they can still feel unsettling, invalidating, or unhelpful.
They make you feel judged, shamed, or dismissed
They overshare about their personal life or vent to you
They insert their misaligned (or harmful) beliefs to you (religious, political, lifestyle) into your sessions, as fact or to “convince you” of their beliefs
They minimize your concerns
They talk more about themselves than about your concerns
They often seem distracted, forget details, or are consistently late
They give generic advice instead of helping you explore your own insights
They invalidate or minimize your trauma responses
These signs may mean it is time to look for a different therapist to one that centers your experience, listens with care, and works collaboratively.
🟡 Yellow Flags in Therapy (Worth Exploring or Clarifying)
While these may not be immediate deal-breakers, they can be signs that something is off or that you might need a conversation to clarify expectations.
You feel like you have to “perform” or say what you think the therapist wants to hear
They are not familiar with your lived experience (e.g., religious trauma, neurodivergence, systemic oppression) and don’t seem curious to learn
You leave sessions feeling confused, drained, or more dysregulated than when you came in, and this happens consistently
They rarely offer feedback or reflection
The therapist doesn’t seem to have a clear direction or structure for your work together
They seem uncomfortable when you express strong emotions
You have been in therapy for a long time with little noticeable progress or insight
These can often be addressed by speaking up, asking questions, or reassessing fit. Therapy should be a collaborative experience.
🟢 Green Flags in Therapy (Signs You’re in a Safe and Supportive Space)
These are the markers of a therapist who is attuned, ethical, and trauma-informed.
You feel safe, seen, and respected, even when discussing hard things
They are warm, grounded, and authentic
They welcome your questions and feedback about the therapy process
They check in on your pacing, consent, and comfort level
They acknowledge systemic factors and avoid victim-blaming
They own their mistakes and repair ruptures
They bring a sense of curiosity rather than judgment
They support your autonomy and never make you feel pressured
They have clear boundaries and don’t overshare
They are transparent about their training and style
You leave sessions with more insight, clarity, or calm (even when it is hard work)
Good therapy is not about feeling “fixed,” it is about feeling more connected to yourself. You should feel empowered, not dependent.
How to Find a “Green Flag” Therapist
Finding a therapist who feels like a good fit can take time, but there are steps you can take to increase your chances of finding someone who aligns with your values and needs.
Here are some ways to find a therapist who shows green flags:
Use therapist directories that align with your values, like
Search for specialties that matter to you, like:
Religious trauma, cult recovery, or spiritual abuse
LGBTQIA2S+ affirming care
Neurodivergent affirming therapy
Body-liberation or Health at Every Size (HAES)-informed therapy
Culturally competent or anti-oppressive approaches
Trauma-informed therapy
IFS/EMDR-based therapy
Look at the therapist’s website or profile for clues:
Do they speak to your lived experience?
Do they use inclusive language?
Do they acknowledge systems of power and oppression?
Do they explain their training and how they work?
Ask questions during the consultation, such as:
How do you approach working with trauma?
How do you handle feedback?
How do you incorporate identity, body size, culture, or spirituality in your work?
What experience do you have working with [your specific concern]?
Trust how you feel in your body when you meet with them.
Do you feel safe enough to be real?
Do you feel seen, heard, or respected?
Is there warmth, presence, and genuine care?
You are not “too much” for needing a therapist who really gets it. You deserve a space where healing is possible.
Finding the right therapist is a deeply personal process. If you have experienced harm in therapy before, that doesn’t mean you’re “too sensitive,” it means your nervous system is doing its job by alerting you to what doesn’t feel safe.
You deserve a therapist who respects your humanity, honors your story, and supports your growth, not one who reinforces old wounds.
If you’re ready to work with someone who values consent, connection, and collaborative care, I’d love to support you.
