The Glorification of Suffering: Unlearning Pain as a Measure of Worth
Many high-demand religions teach that pain has meaning and that suffering is redemptive, character-building, or even sacred. Members are often told that endurance proves faith, obedience, or divine favor. Hardship becomes spiritual currency; meaning the more you endure, the more righteous you are.
While this can offer comfort during real struggle, it also conditions members to see pain as proof of devotion and comfort as moral weakness. Over time, the message becomes internalized: if you are suffering, you must be doing something right.
How Glorifying Suffering Shapes Beliefs and Behavior
For people raised in these systems, suffering is not only normalized, rather it can be idealized. Common patterns include:
Martyrdom as identity: Being self-sacrificing is praised, while setting boundaries is labeled selfish or ungrateful.
Endurance as virtue: Enduring abuse, injustice, or exhaustion is reframed as “faithfulness.”
Shame around pleasure or rest: Enjoyment, rest, or success may feel indulgent or “worldly.”
Avoidance of help: Seeking therapy, medical, or financial support can feel like a lack of faith.
Guilt when life gets easier: Once someone leaves, peace can feel foreign, like they are “doing something wrong” by feeling better.
This mindset can make healing complex. When your nervous system has been trained to associate suffering with goodness, well-being can feel unsafe.
The Psychological Toll After Leaving
Leaving a high-demand religion often brings relief, but also confusion. Some experience a paradox: wanting to feel free, yet subconsciously recreating struggle because peace feels uncomfortable. This can look like:
Overworking or overcommitting to prove worth.
Choosing relationships or environments that feel familiar (i.e., controlling, punitive, or emotionally unavailable).
Feeling undeserving of happiness, rest, or stability.
Mistaking emotional intensity for connection or spiritual depth.
What’s happening is not a “lack of faith,” but a trauma response rooted in chronic self-denial. The nervous system learned that safety equals vigilance and that “goodness” equals suffering.
Pain Is Not Proof of Worth
Unlearning this dynamic means redefining what it means to be “good.” In trauma-informed therapy, we explore how spiritualized suffering may have shaped your inner world. Healing often includes:
Reconnecting with the body as a source of truth, not sin or temptation.
Reclaiming joy as a legitimate emotional state, not something to be earned.
Redefining rest and boundaries as acts of integrity, not selfishness.
Challenging internalized beliefs that equate struggle with virtue.
When pain is no longer glorified, people begin to make decisions from self-compassion instead of guilt. The goal isn’t to reject all discomfort (growth still involves challenge), but to recognize that suffering is not the measure of one’s worth or faithfulness.
For Those Healing from Spiritualized Pain
If you grew up hearing that your pain made you holy, it is understandable that peace feels foreign. You are not broken, you may have been conditioned to mistrust ease. Ask yourself:
What would life look like if I didn’t need to earn peace?
What parts of me still believe I have to suffer to be good?
How might I offer myself compassion instead of punishment?
These are powerful questions to explore in therapy; especially within trauma-focused approaches like EMDR or Internal Family Systems (IFS).
Suffering does not make you holy. It makes you human. You don’t need to prove your worth through pain. You deserve a life where peace, joy, and rest are allowed to exist; not as rewards for obedience, but as your natural state of being.
Reach out if you are interested in starting therapy or learning more.
Recommended Resources
Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman, MD
Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell, PhD
When Religion Hurts You by Laura Anderson, PhD
Disclaimer:
⚠️ The content on this blog is intended for informational and educational purposes ONLY and should NOT be considered a substitute for personal professional mental health care, diagnosis, or treatment. Reading these posts does not establish a therapeutic relationship.
If you are currently in crisis, experiencing thoughts of harming yourself or others, or are in need of immediate support, please call 911 or contact a crisis line such as the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 (U.S.) or access your local emergency services.
These blog posts are written to explore topics like trauma, religious deconstruction, cults, identity development, and mental wellness in a thoughtful and compassionate way. They may (or may not) resonate deeply, especially for those healing from complex trauma, but they are NOT meant to replace individualized therapy or medical care.
