Can Mormon Missions Stunt Natural Development?
⚠️ Content Note: This article discusses potential developmental challenges associated with serving a mission in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is written from a mental health perspective for individuals who have experienced harm, distress, or lasting difficulties related to missionary service. If you view missions as a meaningful part of your faith and development, some perspectives shared here may not align with your beliefs.
Mission expectations in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS/ Mormon), are usually not presented as a choice. For young men, it is framed as a duty. For young women, it is increasingly seen as a sign of faithfulness (especially after the 2012 age change). Missions typically begin at 18 for men and 19 for women, which happens to coincide with a developmental stage when most young adults are just beginning to explore independence, relationships, and identity.
While missions are often described as “a time to grow up,” the reality for many former missionaries is that this experience can actually pause or stunt key areas of development, sometimes for years afterward.
Why the Ages 18–22 Matter Developmentally
Between 18 and 22, most people are navigating emerging adulthood, a term coined by psychologist Jeffrey Arnett to describe the unique developmental stage between adolescence and full adulthood. Key needs and milestones in this period include:
Identity Formation: Exploring personal beliefs, values, and worldviews separate from family and childhood faith.
Autonomy: Learning to make independent decisions and manage one’s own life.
Education & Career Exploration: Trying out majors, jobs, and life paths before committing to a long-term direction.
Relationship Building: Developing healthy friendships, dating relationships, and romantic partnerships.
Life Skills Development: Gaining experience in managing finances, housing, schedules, and self-care without constant oversight.
In healthy circumstances, the ages 18-22 is a time of exploration and experimentation, a time to make mistakes, discover boundaries, and develop emotional resilience.
How Mormon Missions Interrupt This Process
1. Rigid Structure Over Personal Autonomy— Mission life is governed by a strict schedule, where every second is scheduled for you; waking up at 6:30 a.m., proselytizing for 10-12 hours a day, with minimal personal time. Decisions about where you live, who you live with, and even how you spend your free hour are made for you. While this can feel “safe” for some, it replaces the natural trial-and-error process of learning independence with a constant reliance on external authority. Missionaries are taught to defer to their mission president, companion, or church-approved materials rather than developing their own decision-making skills.
Loss of personal identity through naming restrictions – Missionaries are instructed to go by “Elder” or “Sister” followed by their last name for the entirety of their service. This removes the use of their first name in all formal and informal contexts, reinforcing their identity primarily as a servant of the LDS church rather than as an individual. And this is being done at a time when the average aged missionary is in a crucial developmental stage of identity formation. Afterwards, for some this can make it harder to reconnect with a personal sense of self, because it wasn’t allowed on the mission.
This can delay or stunt the development of independent decision-making and self-direction. The lack of practice in self-direction can make it difficult to navigate friendships, romantic relationships, or work dynamics later on, especially in environments without clear hierarchies or shared beliefs.
2. Limited Legitimacy to Diverse Perspectives— Rather than exploring new ideas and environments freely, missionaries operate within a tightly controlled worldview, often discouraged from reading non-approved material or engaging in conversations that challenge church doctrine. This limits not only identity formation but also the ability to genuinely connect with people whose backgrounds, beliefs, or life choices differ from your own. After returning home, many former missionaries feel more comfortable in group settings that mirror mission culture, which can unintentionally narrow their social circles and reinforce dependence on the LDS community for belonging. This can then slow or prevent healthy identity formation.
3. Postponed Educational, Financial, and Career Growth— Most missionaries delay college or career training by two years, which can make re-entry feel like starting from behind. Peers may have already advanced in their studies, built professional networks, or developed more complex social lives.
Financially, serving a mission can have long-term effects. Missionaries do not earn income during their service, and the cost of the mission (typically paid monthly by the missionary’s savings before the mission, and/or their family) can add up over time. This can create:
Educational delays that can mean graduating later, entering the job market at an older age, and competing with peers who have more experience.
Lost work experience that can limit access to competitive internships or early-career positions.
Extended financial dependence on family or the church for housing, tuition, or living expenses can prolong the transition to independence.
Re-entry into everyday life often brings feelings of confusion about how to navigate without the highly structured direction of the mission. This lack of practice in self-guided decision-making can create further dependence on church leaders or teachings for guidance in educational, career, and financial choices, slowing the development of true self-determination.
4. Restricted Social and Romantic Development— Romantic relationships are prohibited during missions, and friendships are largely limited to assigned companions or other missionaries within the same mission boundaries. These relationships are closely monitored and often lack the natural give-and-take of friendships formed in less controlled environments. Without prior dating experience, some rush into relationships without having developed the skills to assess compatibility, communicate needs, or navigate conflict in healthy ways. This lack of organic social interaction can delay important milestones in emotional and relational growth, including:
Learning to choose friends based on mutual values and interests rather than assigned proximity.
Navigating dating and emotional intimacy without the pressure of immediate commitment or religious approval.
Practicing conflict resolution in relationships where both parties are free to disengage if the connection is not healthy (which is not permitted on Mormon missions).
Developing boundaries in friendships and romantic contexts without constant oversight.
For many returned missionaries, re-entering the dating world can feel foreign and high-stakes, especially given the cultural expectation to marry quickly after coming home. When they return, many find themselves out of step socially, and more accustomed to structured, authority-driven environments, rather than to self-directed, diverse relationships. This can lead to continued dependence on the LDS church as the primary social hub. This delays emotional maturity, self-confidence, and self-determination in navigating romantic and social dynamics.
5. Emphasis on Obedience Over Self-Expression— Missions prioritize conformity and obedience to leadership over critical thinking, personal exploration, and creative expression. While these traits are praised within the mission structure, they can cause friction later in friendships or romantic partnerships where independent thought, mutual compromise, and personal authenticity are valued.
6. Pressure to Marry Immediately After Returning— For many missionaries, the moment they return home is treated as the starting line for marriage. In LDS culture, marriage is framed not just as a personal milestone but as a spiritual duty, and young adults are often encouraged (sometimes directly, sometimes through cultural norms) to marry within months of completing their mission. This rush into marriage can short-circuit important developmental steps that typically happen between the ages of 18–22, such as:
Learning who you are outside of a religious role.
Dating multiple people to understand compatibility and personal boundaries.
Establishing financial independence before sharing resources with a partner.
Building a social network and support system beyond a spouse.
Because romantic relationships were prohibited during missions, many returned missionaries have little-to-no experience with emotional intimacy, conflict resolution, or navigating the complexities of dating. Not to mention, sexual development is completely bypassed. Jumping straight into marriage means they are learning these skills while building a life with a spouse, often under the weight of intense cultural pressure to make the marriage work at all costs.
For some, this leads to rushed commitments, mismatched partnerships, or staying in unhealthy relationships due to fear of community judgment or religious repercussions. The focus on fulfilling the marriage expectation can delay other areas of growth, such as career exploration, personal identity development, and forming healthy friendships.
The Emotional and Psychological Impact
Returning missionaries may experience:
Feeling “behind” in education, career, or relationships.
Struggling to make decisions without seeking authority approval.
Difficulty relating to non-LDS peers.
Guilt or anxiety when questioning church teachings.
This can create a deep dependence on the LDS church and its leadership. For many, the mission becomes a template for life, seeking external guidance, approval, and structure in place of self-generated goals and values.
In friendships and romantic relationships, this can show up as:
Difficulty initiating or maintaining connections without shared religious context.
Over-reliance on partners or friends for decision-making and validation.
Fear of disagreement or conflict, leading to people-pleasing or withdrawal.
Avoidance of relationships that challenge church belief systems, or appear outside of church norms.
For those who later leave the church, the shift can be especially disorienting. Without the built-in approval system of the LDS community, they may feel lost socially and emotionally, yet this can also be the beginning of building true autonomy and authentic connections.
Moving Forward After a Stunted Period of Growth
If you have served a mission and are now feeling “behind,” know that catching up developmentally is absolutely possible. Healing often includes:
Exploring Your Own Beliefs – Engaging with diverse perspectives and philosophies.
Building Autonomy – Practicing independent decision-making and trusting your own judgment.
Pursuing Education or Career Goals – Even if it feels late, investing in your future now can restore a sense of momentum.
Developing Social Skills – Re-learning how to date, make friends, and build community in authentic ways.
Therapy for Religious Trauma – Working with a therapist familiar with Mormonism and high-demand religious systems can help process grief, loss, and identity shifts.
The years between 18 and 22 are essential in shaping who we become. For many former missionaries, those years were spent serving a system that limited personal exploration and autonomy. While the impact can be lasting, it is never too late to reclaim your development, explore your authentic self, and create a life aligned with your values.
Reach out to start therapy or to learn more.
Sources on Emerging Adulthood & Healthy Development
Jeffrey Arnett’s foundational theory of emerging adulthood as a distinct life stage (roughly ages 18–25), marked by identity exploration, instability, and self-focus
Arnett’s article in Child Development Perspectives elaborates on why this life stage matters.
Sources on Missionary Service & Developmental Challenges
A BYU-linked study highlights how returning missionaries often start education, career, and family milestones immediately, without time for personal reintegration.
The Daily Universe article explores the social and emotional guilt many missionaries experience when coming home, including the struggle between focusing on self and ingrained patterns of service.
Roots & Branches Wellness, in recent wellness article recounts that 95% of LDS missionaries report significant stress during service, and 62% experience lasting mental health challenges afterward.
Disclaimer:
⚠️ The content on this blog is intended for informational and educational purposes ONLY and should NOT be considered a substitute for professional mental health care, diagnosis, or treatment. Reading these posts does not establish a therapeutic relationship.
If you are currently in crisis, experiencing thoughts of harming yourself or others, or are in need of immediate support, please call 911 or contact a crisis line such as the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 (U.S.) or access your local emergency services.
These blog posts are written to explore topics like trauma, religious deconstruction, cults, identity development, and mental wellness in a thoughtful and compassionate way. They may (or may not) resonate deeply, especially for those healing from complex trauma, but they are NOT meant to replace individualized therapy or medical care.
